My apologies in advance to my California family and friends, I know you really, really need rain. If I could bottle this stuff and send it your way, I would.

Today started out warm, but cloudy. The weather forecast said there was a possibility of thunderstorms, but one never really knows for sure. The wind was really blowing all morning, and in fact I had left a patio umbrella open and it was now at the bottom of the pool. I was upstairs working and I could hear thunder in the distance. I thought, “uh-oh, better get the Thundershirt on Lucy”. About that time, the thunder got so loud that the house actually shook. I could have used a Thundershirt myself! Then the rain came. Not just a light sprinkle, but heavy rain. It was so heavy, I could not even see out the window.

I did my best to ignore the weather and went about my work. I even heard the FedEx truck pull up and drop a package by the gate and figured Id go out and get it when the rain let up. And then it hit me…”The patio drains!” The last time we had rain this heavy I was home alone while JD was in California and because the drains were covered with leaves and junk, it didn’t take long at all for the water to head toward the house. I ran down the stairs and saw water at the back door and the media room. “JACKDODD!!!! I’ll get the media room, you get the back door.” I was no novice at this. I kicked off my shoes, pulled off my jeans and ran to the garage for the push broom. By the time I got outside, JD had already cleared the drains so I just started pushing the excess water towards the pool. It didn’t take long before we were both soaking wet. Since the patio was now draining properly we figured we might as well get the umbrella out of the pool. I was certain we could get it out without having to get in the water (which is not yet at swimming temperature). Well, the umbrella was open and completely submerged in the water upside down and to make matters worse,the pool sweep was on top of it. Was it heavy? YES! Poor JD got in (fully clothed!) and between the two of us we managed to get it out.

About this time I could hear that familiar sound of the UPS truck pulling up. (yes, UPS drops off at the door, FedEx at the gate). I was torn. Do I stand outside dripping wet and wait till the UPS driver leaves, or do I go in where the UPS driver can clearly see me through the windows by the front door soaking wet in my underwear holding a push broom? At this point, JD says, “I wonder if the UPS driver picked up the FedEx package at the gate.” Uh, I highly doubt it. By now I figured since I was already soaked, I would wrap a towel around me and go get the dumb package myself but JD is such a gentleman, he wouldn’t hear of it!

The whole thing was so comical, I couldn’t help but giggle about it. And the funniest part was that at no point during all this did JD ever say to me, “what are you doing out here in your underwear?”

Eventually, I got dried off and went back upstairs to finish my work day. I no sooner sat down when my phone buzzed. The message…SEVERE WEATHER ALERT! Well, thank goodness for that warning, or we would have never known!!!

After what seemed like a long work day (it was Monday, after all) I headed into town to the nail salon. This is my time to relax. I walked in, picked out my color and sank into one of those amazing, heavenly chairs. Oh, what I wouldn’t do to have one of those chairs at home! Normally I settle in, adjust the heat, adjust the massage setting, set the timer, close my eyes and drift off into that far away place. Today however, was going to be different.

I’m usually able to tune out whatever is going on around me, but not today. You see, not too long after I arrived, two older women came in. They were quite chatty and their talk was non stop. So much for relaxation.

It’s not eavesdropping if the people talking are loud, right? I’m not sure they realized how loud their voices were, but they were loud enough for everyone in the salon to hear them talking. One minute into their conversation, I was hooked. They were both from Boerne, and both had accents. One had a definite “Texas” accent, and the other had a more “Southern” accent – yes, there is a difference! There’s something about women from the south, in addition to their accents, they have funny sayings for everything!

“Southern” woman settles in and the first thing she says (to the technician) is, “Mah brutha was a state senatah, and when he went to China and they fed him something that was still alive. It proceeded to crawl out of the bowl so he just helped it back into the bowl and waited for the next course.” I’m not sure why he was telling the nail technician this story, but I’m pretty sure she thought he was Chinese, and yes I did cringe – just a little.

Then conversation then shifted to some sort of injury she had on her ankle. The technician asked her if she had injured it or if she’ been bitten by something. This is how the conversation went:

Texas accent: “Did you fall? Were you drunk? Does it hurt?”

Southern accent: “No, I didn’t fall. If I’d fallen it would be swollen”

Nail Tech: “Well, look here, it is swollen. Maybe a spider bit you. You should really have a doctor look at this.”
Southern accent: “Well, I have been working in the garden, maybe a spider bit me and well, I just might have been drunk, I was over to John’s house the other night watching the Spurs”

Texas accent: “She was drunk!”

Southern accent: “I was not drunk, it was quaaludes.” (I’m pretty sure she pulled that out of her memory from the 70’s). I could actually hear people giggling in the background because no one has heard that since, well, the 70’s.

The conversation went on for a little while longer and then somehow shifted to the care of her heels which were in what she considered to be immaculate condition due to her Pedi Egg! I wont go into details about her “process”, but her description of her As Seen On TV Pedi Egg was every bit as amusing as the rest of their dialogue.

At this point, my polish was dry enough for me to leave, but you can bet I turned to get a good look at these septuagenarians before I left. I was half tempted to ask when their next gig at this salon would be so I could book a seat in advance!