After what seemed like a long work day (it was Monday, after all) I headed into town to the nail salon. This is my time to relax. I walked in, picked out my color and sank into one of those amazing, heavenly chairs. Oh, what I wouldn’t do to have one of those chairs at home! Normally I settle in, adjust the heat, adjust the massage setting, set the timer, close my eyes and drift off into that far away place. Today however, was going to be different.

I’m usually able to tune out whatever is going on around me, but not today. You see, not too long after I arrived, two older women came in. They were quite chatty and their talk was non stop. So much for relaxation.

It’s not eavesdropping if the people talking are loud, right? I’m not sure they realized how loud their voices were, but they were loud enough for everyone in the salon to hear them talking. One minute into their conversation, I was hooked. They were both from Boerne, and both had accents. One had a definite “Texas” accent, and the other had a more “Southern” accent – yes, there is a difference! There’s something about women from the south, in addition to their accents, they have funny sayings for everything!

“Southern” woman settles in and the first thing she says (to the technician) is, “Mah brutha was a state senatah, and when he went to China and they fed him something that was still alive. It proceeded to crawl out of the bowl so he just helped it back into the bowl and waited for the next course.” I’m not sure why he was telling the nail technician this story, but I’m pretty sure she thought he was Chinese, and yes I did cringe – just a little.

Then conversation then shifted to some sort of injury she had on her ankle. The technician asked her if she had injured it or if she’ been bitten by something. This is how the conversation went:

Texas accent: “Did you fall? Were you drunk? Does it hurt?”

Southern accent: “No, I didn’t fall. If I’d fallen it would be swollen”

Nail Tech: “Well, look here, it is swollen. Maybe a spider bit you. You should really have a doctor look at this.”
Southern accent: “Well, I have been working in the garden, maybe a spider bit me and well, I just might have been drunk, I was over to John’s house the other night watching the Spurs”

Texas accent: “She was drunk!”

Southern accent: “I was not drunk, it was quaaludes.” (I’m pretty sure she pulled that out of her memory from the 70’s). I could actually hear people giggling in the background because no one has heard that since, well, the 70’s.

The conversation went on for a little while longer and then somehow shifted to the care of her heels which were in what she considered to be immaculate condition due to her Pedi Egg! I wont go into details about her “process”, but her description of her As Seen On TV Pedi Egg was every bit as amusing as the rest of their dialogue.

At this point, my polish was dry enough for me to leave, but you can bet I turned to get a good look at these septuagenarians before I left. I was half tempted to ask when their next gig at this salon would be so I could book a seat in advance!