Another first for me today. My sister in law and her husband were headed to a cattle auction to shop for a bull and they thought we’d like to experience some cattle culture. Were they ever right! 

We got there bright and early to check out all the bulls (these were Black Angus). They were all separated in pens according to age and although they all appeared to look the same, in fact they are not. Being complete novices – and from the suburbs of Southern California, this was completely foreign territory. We were open books with completely blank pages. Sponges ready to absorb, and here’s what we found out:

• Birth Weight – you want the birth weight to be low so as to produce low birth weight calves 
• Low Intramuscular Fat – let’s face it, we all want that, right?
• Ribeye Area – big, duh! And in case you’re wondering how that gets measured, they use ultrasound
• Scrotal Circumference- you think your job sucks? How’d you like to be the guy with the tape measure?!

After checking out all the Bulls, we went and had some lunch at a nearby BBQ place. The irony was not lost on me, but I enjoyed my brisket anyway! 

Back to the auction to find some good seats. Want to be close enough to see, but not so close that you’re in the “splash zone”. As we sat there waiting, I scoured the crowd. Will you look at all these cowboys. Hats, boots, Wrangler jeans, these guys live and breathe this stuff…or do they? I found myself looking around trying to determine who was “legit”. Dirty boots, dirty hat, yep, he’s real. Yep, Yep, yep, all real. And then my eyes landed on the guy wearing the Abercrombie and Fitch vest. Um, no! Even I was more legit than that. At least my vest is from Tractor Supply! He must be a weekend rancher, or maybe he was there for the free breakfast tacos. Or maybe he was a newbie like us!

At last it was time for the auction to start. My exposure to auctions is pretty much limited to what I see on TV (although I did see Dan Dotson from Storage Wats in action once thanks to my buddy Michelle Dotson). There were a couple of guys in the pen – one was responsible for opening and closing the door, and the other was responsible for getting the bulls in and out of the pen. Note: guy number 2 did not seem entirely comfortable trying to get the bulls to move with the 10 foot pole he was using!

I don’t know how an auctioneer learns to talk so fast. Do they practice underwater to see how long they can hold their breath, because they surely don’t breathe while they’re auctioning. The first bull was brought out into the ring. I was just getting settled in, trying to understand what was going on and bing, bang, boom, it was done. Wait, what just happened? Who bid? Who won? I barely understood the auctioneer! Okay next bull. This time I’m understanding what he’s saying. Oh gosh, why is my nose itching? Is it because I know I can’t scratch it? What if I scratch it and we end up with a bull? I was literally sitting on my hands out of fear I would make a wrong move. Oh my gosh, now my phone is ringing. The ringer is off but I can feel it vibrating in my pocket. I very stealthily reached in and turned it off. I couldn’t talk, but I could text!

It was really a fun experience, and surely something I’d never done before. And if you never find yourself questioning the price of beef…don’t! Eat it, enjoy it, and be thankful for cattle ranchers!